i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
