worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
