I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
