Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize