I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
