jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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