Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
