Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
