Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
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