Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
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So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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