Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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