You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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