I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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