so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
