I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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