I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
