Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
