we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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