i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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