I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
