There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
