I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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