I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
