I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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