once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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