I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
