His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
