She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
