I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
