This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
