just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
