you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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