Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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