This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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