Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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