when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
