Your face is a jimmy john
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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