Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
