Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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