I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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