I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
