Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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