i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
