I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
