I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
