I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
