It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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