so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize