Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
More tranny stories later!
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
You ever have a fart follow you around?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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