once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
