low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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