dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
