I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
