Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize