Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
