when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
