Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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