i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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