the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
