I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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