My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
