I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
